I dream of ghosts.

Ghosthunt.

Before my time is over, I would love to go ghosthunting. I know, a bit ironic huh?

But not guerilla style - like going for a hike in the woods and randomly find an abandoned house and start a seance. No way.

I want to ghosthunt like (and preferably) with T.A.P.S.

I want to work with night vision cameras, EMF detectors, digital thermometres, and people who aren't afraid of paranormal activities. If I ever get the chace to ghosthunt, I definitely want The Hubby to be with me. He's a skeptic but not closeminded. I need someone with me who will keep me grounded, knock some sense in me and who will also lend an arm to clutch on because you know, I get easily scared.

I've never had a true experience except for when my grandpa passed away awhile ago. I felt his presence around but I wasn't afraid, only curious. It was more of a feeling that he was there. Lights flickered, the tv turned on to his favourite show, I knew he was there. Some people chalk that up to coincidences but I disagree.

Other than that, I've never encountered anything paranormal except for maybe in my dreams:

A few years ago, I developed panic attacks in my sleep - as often as 3 times a week. And I hated/hate it. I would be consciously awake, paralyzed and feel extreme shortness of breath. I'd try hard to wake up and when I do, I end up gasping for air and my eyes would shut immediately and repeat cycle up to 5 times a night. Horrible.

I eventually went to my doctor and first, she asked if I was ever abused or witnessed any abuse. I guess this sort of thing is common among victims. The answer is a big no. When she was finally convinced that I have a healthy relationship with my family, she advised me to relax when I get into that state. Either that or go see a specialist. I chose the former.

When the time came, I tried relaxing and reminded myself that I was actually breathing, just as the doctor ordered! I started to feel myself breathe: it was slow and hard but nonetheless, I was breathing! Next thing, I felt a rush of wind in my ear, a tug in my body and found myself sitting upright on my bed. It was really strange. Everything was in slowmotion. I remember turning around and seeing a dark silhouette of myself lying down and that's when I realzed that I was having an out of body experience (OBE).

I wasn't scared at the time. I got up and walked around in my room. And next thing I knew, I woke up back in my bed.

In my next experience, again, I felt the rush in my ears, a tug in my body and this time, I started to spin slowly and floated to my bedroom ceiling. My first time flying. I blinked and ended up flying over a nearby park. It was dark and quiet. I felt the coldness of the wind in my face. Because I was consciously awake, it felt so real, so exhilarating. Then I woke up and I was back in my room, lying on my bed.

The next time, I stayed in my room. I looked out the window and imagined a castle and there it was. Prior to this, I read up on dreams and some described my experience as lucid dreaming: when the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming and where the dreams can be extremely real depending on the person's level of self-awareness.

Cool.

So as a test, I tried to create a world of fantasy outside my bedroom window. I saw a beautiful castle with bright pink skies and a dazzling white horse. Incredible! And then I woke up.

Just when I thought I solved my sleeping problem, my next experience made me think otherwise. Again, I forced myself to relax, felt a tug and surely enough, I was 'out of my body'.

At the time, I was going to University and I thought it would be neat if I could study in my sleep. I know, I'm a geek. So I walked to my desk and flipped through my textbook. It didn't work. I was able to turn the pages but the words were blurry. Darn.

I looked up and noticed that my bedroom door was open and I decided to walk out of the door. Everything is in slowmotion. It was dark in the hallway but I noticed a dim light at the bottom of the stairs. I slowly walked down the stairs and the light got brighter. Then I saw an old man at the bottom looking up at me. I didn't recognize him. I couldn't really make out his face or describe it, but I remember him being bald and having grey hair just above his ears. He didn't say anything. Instead, he held out his hand towards me, palm up and just as I reached over to hold his hand, I woke up.

It was in the middle of the night and I was scared. I was scared because this was the first time I experienced an OBE with anyone, especially a stranger. Who was that man? And what would happen if I didn't wake up? Where would he take me?

From then on, my experiences gotten worse. When I had another attack, instead of hearing a rush of wind in my ears, I started hearing voices calling my name, whispers above whispers. I decided then that it wasn't such a great idea to have an OBE. What if I see someone or something that I don't want to see? I knew how to get into that state of being, but never learned how to get out of it. In all of my 'dreams', I would just wake up.

So I was back to the beginning. Instead of letting my mind and body free, I struggled to get out of the panic attack. And I have to remind you, that it's absolutely awful. Imagine sleeping but your mind is awake and you cannot wake your body. You cannot breathe, you cannot move. You scream and scream, but no one can hear you. The only way to end the suffering is to wake up but the more you try, the more you struggle, the more you panic, the more you can't breathe. And when you finally wake up, your body shuts down again and you repeat the cycle.

Oy.

Sometimes if I tried hard enough, I could just barely lift my eyelids. Not a good idea. One time, I saw a glimpse of a girl standing beside me. White dress, long dark hair, grey skin. The whole works. Another time I saw a spider crawl beside me and I couldn't do anything.

The worst experience was when I saw 3 to 4 dark swirls hovering above my body. I closed my eyes and really tried to wake up but I couldn't. Then I felt someone or something pulling me from behind while the whispers in my ear, calling my name, became louder and louder and louder. Awful. I prayed and prayed for it to stop but it wouldn't. Then it felt like I was being pushed into my bed. I felt myself sinking and sinking. I've had nightmares before but this was different because I was consciously awake. Everything seemed so real.

Obviously after my horrible experiences, I tried to search for explanations. Some articles would label my experience as the "old hag" syndrome, some called it hallucination, some said it was caused by stress and some suggested astral travelling. In other words, there were very many explanations and all they did was scared me even more.

Anyway, I can't really pinpoint when it stopped. I remember just praying and praying and eventually my experiences lessened.

My sleep panic attacks definitely lessened since I married. I still have them but maybe 2 to 3 times a month whereas before, it would be 2 to 3 times a week. In my opinion, I think The Hubby's skepticism helps a lot as he doesn't feed my fear. And knowing that he's there beside me, I truly feel safe. I freak out a bit when he goes away on weekend trips but I can survive a couple of nights without him. Especially because I have my pups and n.eocitron. Kidding, but not really.

Anyway.

Uh, what does this have to do with ghosthunting? Sorry, I got carried away there!

I guess for me, my dreams or should I say nightmoares, are the closest I've ever felt to being haunted. And maybe that's why ghosthunting really interests me. It's like facing my fears head on. And as much as I am afraid, I am intrigued!

I think the best way to do it is to investigate like T.A.P.S.: set up electronic equipment around the location, turn off the lights, spend several hours surveying the 'haunted' areas and then analyze the footages afterwards. I think it would be so neat to analyze EVP sessions (electronic voice phenomena). Nothing is creepier than hearing disembodied voices in an empty room!

I'd rather do this than seances. No way am I ever touching a q.uija board.

I'm even contemplating on deleting that.

I know, I'm terrible!

Okay, I've said enough here. Maybe in the future, I'll diarize my dreams. You really have to hear some of them. It's crazy and amazing! This is where movies are born (or pyschopaths)...

Bookworm.

I'm so excited!

It's been a long while since I read a P.hilippa G.regory novel. The last book I read was The W.hite Q.ueen and absolutely LOVED it.

I thought about it the other day and decided to check her site to see when the second book of the trilogy is coming out and hold and behold, The R.ed Q.ueen will be released in August!

I c.a.n.n.o.t wait!

Seriously.

I want to make a day out of it. Just for me!

Maybe, I'll book a day off work (no pun intended). I'll find the comfiest place in our home, eat super cute cupcakes and mini cucumber sandwiches, and sip sweet teas while turning each delicious page. Think English tea party, here. Yum.

(Ha, I can imagine The Hubby asking me why everything is always related to food.)

Anyway.

Have any of you watched The O.ther B.oleyn G.irl with E.ric B.ana, N.atalie P.ortman and S.carlett J.ohansson? The movie was actually based on one of her books. I highly recommend reading it; it has so much more depth and character.

My boss first recommended me the novel. It took me a couple of weeks to start reading it, but I swear, after the first chapter, I was hooked. Soon after, I finished the rest of the series, The T.udors.

I was completely satisfied, yet sad because the journey was over.

Then I saw her newest trilogy, The C.ousins' W.ar.

To be honest, I hesitated because the stories are based before The T.udors era and I loved, love The T.udors! Anne B.oleyn, King H.enry VIII, and Q.ueen E.lizabeth I are stunning and powerful characters. I mean, how can you compete with them?

But you know what? P.hilippa G.regory is such a fluid and wonderful writer, she makes you fall in love with the characters so easily. I thoroughly enjoyed The W.hite Q.ueen and was not disappointed at all.

Enter big sigh here. I cannot wait to add The R.ed Q.ueen to my collection.

Please suh, I want some mo'.

I'm back!

Been gone for awhile, lots have happened (some exciting, some not) and too lazy to write about it!

So I'll move on and write about what inspired me to be on here again.

Cooking.

I basically took a one month break from cooking regular meals and I'm very happy to say that I'm excited to cook again.

Last Sunday, not yesterday, I found one of my recipe magazines that have gone missing for awhile. I found a couple of recipes I liked and started jotting down the list of ingredients required before heading out to the grocery store.

TIP: Shop in your kitchen first! You'll be surprised to see what ingredients you already have and it will save you money!

MONDAY, we enjoyed Pot Roast Steak with Potatoes and Carrots plus leftover cheese bread from the local bakery. Yum.

TUESDAY, I made Ginger and Carlic Chicken with Broccoli and Cashews on Rice.

On WEDNESDAY, I made Caesar Steak Wraps with Cheddar Cheese.

And THURSDAY, I made Chilli Mac' and Cheese with Kidney Beans and Crushed Tomatoes.

Pretty good, huh?

I actually made a vat of the mac' and cheese recipe so The Hubby and I are having it for lunch again today.

Yesterday, I made a really healthy soup with my slow.cooker. It's really easy to make and it's actually really good! Really! I had two bowls of it for dinner last night. The Hubby isn't a fan of soup. He only likes chicken noodle soup (aka. I.chiban), so he had another serving of mac' and cheese. I told you I made a vat of it!

Moroccan Stew

Ingredients:

1 tbsp of canola oil
2 cans of low-sodium chicken broth
1 red onion (chopped)
1 carrot (chopped)
1 red bell pepper (chopped)
1 apple (cored, peeled and chopped)
1 can of chickpeas (drained)
1 tsp grated orange peel
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp of crushed dried basil

Directions:

Chop each vegetable into small cubes (same size as one chickpea or two). Mix all ingredients together and slow.cook for 3-4 hours on HIGH or until vegetables are tender.

Easy huh?? The recipe included chicken but we only have frozen chicken and I didn't feel like thawing, etc.

Yum, yum! I was really impessed with the flavour! Very smooth and tasty. I can't wait to go home today and have another bowl. The best thing is, you can have lots of it and not feel guilty! It's very good for you!

Next time, I'll remember to buy parsnips and sweet potatoes (as per recipe). And maybe I'll add kidney beans. You can add as much or anything you like, just have extra chicken broth ready and increase the spices for more flavour. I've never had moroccan stew before, so I'm curious if the flavour is close to the real thing. Regardless, I love it. Nom, nom indeed!!